FOR HIS GLORY
The Father who is Infinite Love
About two weeks after You gave me the illumination of conscience, You – God the Father – desired to show me with precision just how much of a tender, loving Father You are despite Your omnipotence. You chose to do this because You knew the extent to which I had been afraid of You my whole life and still was to some degree – as so many people are – despite my consecration to You. After all, throughout the Old Testament, despite what was described as my uncanny attraction to it since childhood, You were repeatedly portrayed as annihilating all and sundry in various ways because they betrayed Your trust in them. You did not exactly come across as a loving God.
It did not help that whomever taught me about You when I was growing up seemed to automatically emphasize both this aspect of You and Your ‘unreacheability’ by common man because of Your generalized invisibility, despite Your mercy in giving us Your Son and letting Him be crucified in our stead. Thus You decided to put my fears to rest once and for all because You desired intimacy with me, not distance. Otherwise, how was I to effectively bring You to the people and show them Your face as a Father if I myself feared You?
For four consecutive days after those two weeks, You took me up to Your heavenly abode every night and let me sit on Your lap, while You sat regally on Your throne robed in Divine Light. The first time You let this happen, I felt like a veritable child of five years of age who suddenly found herself sitting on her previously-unknown but benevolent Father, playing with Him. Your beauty was stunning and I could not – would not – take my eyes off You. I fell madly in love with You and did not want to be separated from You ever again. You, in turn, greatly enjoyed seeing me look at You with childlike wonder: it is what You desire every child of Yours on earth to experience – true intimacy with You, the Almighty Father.
You let me snuggle up to You, cuddle on Your lap at Your left side, kiss You repeatedly in Your Divine Heart and hug You tightly without wanting to let You go. All throughout this process, I felt Your profound love and sweet tenderness penetrate every fiber of my being, including the heart of my soul. I wanted to remain sitting on You forever. You let me ask You over and over whether I could act this way with You, whether it was what You wanted or whether I was disrespecting You, especially since we were in Your throne room: the room of Your might. I strongly desired to explore every nook and cranny of You, I could not get enough of You. But I was also afraid of annoying You with my ceaseless questions – questions which I was sure were utterly stupid in Your sight.
However, I was wrong. You rapidly made me realize that no question is too stupid to be asked of You – You welcome any and all questions as long as they are genuine, from the heart. And You are the most gentle, adventurous, playful and knowledgeable Teacher of all: the Divine Professor. Every time I asked You a question, no matter its content, You both showered me with great joy and love, and told me how much this way of being with You was pleasing and welcoming to You; as that is what You desire from Your children, Your handiwork. You desire us all to be as little children in Your sight: children who delight at being in the mighty but ever-tender, joyful presence of their true Father. That is why You made us.
You let me sit on You and kiss You, over and over, every time You took me to Your throne room in those four days. On my part, I could not get enough of kissing You, especially Your Divine Heart at its very core, with tenderness and love; in consolation for how much I and everyone else had wounded You with our ingratitude. I desired to worship and adore You with every inch of my being; it was as though I could not give enough of myself to You. I wanted to make up to You for all the coldness, marginalization, neglect, abandonment and indifference You had experienced at both my hands and the hands of others. I wanted to love You as You have long desired to be loved – with “all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength” (Dt 6:5; Mt 22:37; Mk 12:30; Lk 10:27). That is the real meaning of worshiping the Father in Spirit and in Truth (Jn 4:23).